Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
