maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
