Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
