Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
