I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
