God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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