from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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