drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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