I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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