what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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