so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
