Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
