I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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