Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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