ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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