if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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