On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
