I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
