i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
