My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
