Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
