I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
