the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
