ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
