masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
