Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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