Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
