I'm eating all of the evidence.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I want is dick and wine.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
