I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
