youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
