Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
