Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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