carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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