apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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