dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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