you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
