My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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