And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And then my night got REAL pukey
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize