Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
