He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
