I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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