My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
