Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize