I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
