that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
