I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
operation have a gay friend backfired
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
