:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
