According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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