What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
