and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
