I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
