I wish I only lived at night.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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