If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
