I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
