I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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