he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
