you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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