Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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