My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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