I'm going to jail i love you
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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