I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
