I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
